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February 08, 2016

When you Hear a Liberal say Obama has Created Jobs, Show Them this Cartoon

Have your health insurance premiums dropped like Barack Obama promised us all when he was campaigning for office?
Mine either.
They’ve actually gone up.
Thanks, Barry!
We always knew that government-run healthcare would be disastrous, and unfortunately Obama proved the prognosticators right.
Over 90 million people are out of work at the moment, and all the Obama administration cares about is how they can trample religious freedom and further divide the nation on racial grounds.
In theory, sure the government could take care of everything and we’d all live hunky-dory. But in that world there are unicorns and Khaleesi is Queen.
Sorry Obama fans, but you got duped. Actually, you only have yourselves to blame.

February 07, 2016

23 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.


1. Sanders supporters banned from Tinder after campaigning on dating app


 
Hey, it wouldn't be the first time I used Tinder and felt the burn.


2. Virginia lawmakers: ‘Adults must check children’s private parts before entering restroom’

1 They should have added, "But you know, in like, a totally not pedophillic way."


3. Meet the man who spent 12 years trapped inside his body watching ‘Barney’ reruns

1 Think I found the definition of Hell, guys.


4. Woman believes her goats are being sexually assaulted

I blame ISIS.


5. Ice skaters use 'boar curling' to rescue stranded pigs from the ice

1
 
If the Olympics ever wanted to make curling watchable...


6. Bookshop’s prices shot down 10% for customers openly carrying guns

1 Because book thieves are notoriously violent.


7. Lawmaker wants apology from meteorologist who dissed Punxsutawney Phil

1
 
Phil should release his own diss track: "F*ck meteorology!"


8. Man, woman charged after argument over broken Lego structure turns physical

1 If there was ever reason for a divorce...


9. The Case for Putting Weed Up Your Vagina

1
No. There is no case.


10. The horniest dinosaurs were the sexiest, scientists claim

1 It's scientific finds like this that make life worth living.


11. Man lives to 107 'by only drinking red wine'

1
He's too wasted to die.


12. Man wearing handgun open carry robbed in Newport News, police say

1
 
You see the trouble with open carry laws is you can pinpoint guys who have smaller guns than you.


13. Swiss authorities ban 'noisy' silent discos

1
 
???


14. Coldplay honored by Super Bowl but puzzled by game

1 Let's take a moment to appreciate the way the dude on the left (your left) is looking at the ball. "But if it's called football...?"


15. 'Act less smart,’ Saenuri lawmaker advises female politicians


 
US Male politicians got that shit down pat.


16. Benefits family get £26,000 in one lump sum - and buy a raccoon

1 Finally, a lower-income family is using their lump sums of welfare money on worthwhile things.


17. Americans spent more on legal pot last year than on Cheetos, Doritos

1
 
But...shouldn't there be a positive correlation?!


18. German far-right nationalist party accidentally calls to deport Germans first

1 You know it's easy to confuse things when you're a racist f*cking idiot.


19. Women More Sensitive to Annoying Behavior

I guess that's why women can't stand each other.


20. Goldman Sachs Says It May Be Forced to Fundamentally Question How Capitalism Is Working

1'
 
Don't hold your f*cking breath.


21. Pimp my ride: Hamas proudly shows off a tank, turns out to just be a car

1
 
I've seen high-school kids rice out their cars with way more elaborate body kits after watching The Fast & The Furious.


22. Kate Winslet breaks silence on Titanic raft end: 'He could have actually fitted'

1 I mean I've only been saying this forever.


23. Man hooks up with girl on FB, only to find she's his wife

 1
 

To all those people saying that the earth is flat, here's the 200-year-old proof that it's actually ROUND


New Zealand politician hit in the face with a flying pink dildo. "That's for raping our sovereignty. That's for raping our country, because of the TPPA and selling away our rights and our freedom,"




If you thought you were having a bad day, spare a thought for New Zealand politician Steven Joyce.
The economic development minister had a dildo thrown at him on Friday. The large, pink sex toy was launched by a woman in the crowd as Joyce spoke to media in Waitangi. She hit him squarely in the face. Such aim takes skill.
"That's for raping our sovereignty. That's for raping our country, because of the TPPA and selling away our rights and our freedom," the angry, penis-wielding woman screamed, referring to the controversial Trans-Pacific Partnership, which was signed yesterday in New Zealand.
Luckily, Joyce could see the funny side of being hit with a pink rubber penis. "Fair to say I don’t think those sorts of things happen everyday," he told reporters after the incident. "We actually thought it was a little bit humorous at the end of it all … new experiences in politics everyday, it's the privilege of serving."
Yep, not everyone has the privilege of experiencing a fake penis to the head in life.

Parents Have NO CHOICE: San Francisco Giving Condoms To Middle Schoolers

City high school students in San Francisco already have access to free condoms. Now, a proposal introduced to the school board would authorize condoms to be handed out to middle school students following a one-on-one information session with a school nurse or social worker.

According to the San Francisco Examiner, the policy change was introduced by San Francisco Unified School District Superintendent Richard Carranza to the Board of Education earlier this month, as part of an overall effort by the district to further prevent sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy among minors.

Each one-on-one session would also include information about the risks and effectiveness associated with condom use as well as letting students, including the minors in middle school, know that abstinence is the only 100 percent effective way to prevent unwanted pregnancy or STDs.

The San Francisco Chronicle points to student surveys conducted by the district showing that at least five percent of students in sixth, seventh and eighth grades have had sexual intercourse, and more than a quarter of high school students report having had sex.
The new proposal will likely face a vote next month. If it passes, it would reportedly also take away the ability of high school parents to opt their high schoolers out of the program, although they would still received an annual notification about it. The same would also apply to parents of middle school children.

“As the (sexually transmitted disease) controller in San Francisco, I know all too well that San Francisco has among the highest rates of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis of any city in the United States,” Dr. Susan Philip, reportedly said in a letter endorsing the proposal on behalf of the San Francisco Department of Public Health. “Condoms are highly effective prevention against STDs, HIV and unwanted pregnancy.

A nurse at Herbert Hoover Middle School in San Francisco refused to comment on the new initiative, saying she had “no opinion” on the matter and directed Breitbart News to speak with SFUSD’s School Health Programs Department, which then said all calls form the media should be made to the district’s communications office’s public relations manager.

She was unavailable for comment at the time.

Iraqi migrant rapes a 10-year-old boy at a swimming pool in Vienna and tells police it was a 'sexual emergency' because he hadn't had sex in months

A 10-year-old boy was so brutally raped by an Iraqi migrant in a swimming pool cubicle that he had to be hospitalised for his injuries.

A lifeguard immediately called an ambulance after the boy went to him in floods of tears, while the Iraqi was entertaining himself by repeatedly jumping off the three-metre diving board.

Police arrested him on the spot at the pool in Vienna, and during an interrogation, he told them that it was a 'sexual emergency' as he had not had sex in four months.



The Iraqi, who had been working as a taxi driver in Vienna, told police he knew it was 'a mistake' and did not mean to 'scar the boy', reports Kronen Zeitung.

But the migrant, who had entered the country through the Balkans on September 5, official records show, said he could not help himself as he had an 'excess sexual energy'.


He told police that he knew such an act was 'forbidden in any country of the world', and he was not 'always sick', as he has a wife and a daughter in Iraq.

At first, Austrian did not release details of the rape, on December 2 at The Resienbad pool, to protect the victim.

Reports emerged on Facebook and police said they must be sensitive about cases involving migrants, who have 'been through a lot', but that there would be zero-tolerance.

However, police have now officially announced the details of the shocking crime. 

Austrian media have also been following another case of a 13-year-old girl who is allegedly repeatedly being raped by her 26-year-old husband, who she married in Syria.

However, the teenager has not spoken against her husband, who is claiming that he has the right to have sex with her after their marriage was consummated, under Islamic law.


February 06, 2016

Ted Cruz college classmates ‘horrified’ he might become president: ‘He called my mother a wh*re!’

Qestioned about their college recollections of 2016 GOP Presidential contender Ted Cruz, former Princeton alums left no question that they are uniformly aghast that the ’92 graduate has come so close to the Republican nomination.
Armed with a tip about a Cruz sexual encounter at the Ivy League university during his freshman year, Ellie Shechet of Jezebel reached out to close to 75 former contemporaries of Cruz for corroboration.  While no one could verify the rumor, many had a few other things to say about the Republican senator from Texas who seems to have a knack for rubbing people the wrong way.
An earlier investigation by the Daily Beast uncovered classmates who referred to the younger Cruz as “abrasive,” “intense,” “strident,” “a crank” and “arrogant,” with four separate respondents calling him “creepy.”
According to Jezebel, those earlier assessments still hold.
Speaking with Sarah Hougen Poggi ’92 —  who commented on a New York Times op-ed detailing how she stopped attending outside meetings attended by Cruz because “I simply could not deal with his rudeness” — Poggi elaborated.
“He didn’t become more civil or well-mannered” over the next four years, she stated in an email. “When anyone in my class and I talk about him there is no one who breaks in and says ‘Come on guys, he wasn’t so bad.’”
Poggi added, “Everyone in my class that I’ve talked to is horrified that he’s a candidate.”
“There are not that many people in my life who I can think of who I didn’t actually have extensive interactions with who bring up such bad feelings,” explained Mikaela Beardsley, who claims she knew Cruz during their freshman year at Princeton.
Beardsley says that she and Cruz — who are miles apart politically –would get into political arguments occasionally.
“I’m a classic blue state anti-death penalty pro-choice liberal—I represent everything wrong with America, as far as Ted Cruz is concerned,” she said during a phone interview. “We would just yell at each other. And when he became Senator, I was like, ‘Oh my God, he called my mother a whore!’”
“I remember telling him [that] my mother had two children, they really couldn’t afford to have another child, they really would have struggled. And it was a very difficult, painful decision for my mother.” she explained, adding, “he became vicious and made it personal,” before telling her “my mother was going to hell and was a whore.”
Beardsley called Cruz “awful,” stating that he made her cry — backed up by friends of hers who remembered the tearful argument.
While one fellow classmate, who asked that her name not be used, stated “I tried notto know him,” another said she was surprised he had risen so far.