Soldiers' portraits before, during and after war

Private Chris MacGregor, 24: "My legs just gave up. I think it was the weight – 135 pounds or something. I just had to accept, my body was telling me to give up as I had pushed it. I was telling it to go, it was telling me to stop. When squaddies come back they still have a lot of adrenaline and anger in them. I had to have anger management after Iraq...The first thing I did when I came back, apart from kissing and cuddling the misses and my bairn, was go for a massive walk with the dogs. I walked for miles and miles not caring where I stepped."

Lance Corporal Sean Tennant, 29: "Are we making a difference? One of my friends died and then there are all the boys who've been injured...It isn’t worth that. It’s great being back but I’d say I’ve got a shorter fuse now. I ended up arguing with my partner but it's small things that can cause that. It’s a funny one. There are small things that can get on your nerves. It seems like people don’t have any purpose here."

Private Ben Frater, 21: "It has been easier than I thought it was going to be and the area is pretty quiet so going on patrol feels like going for a walk, but you never know. And as it’s quiet it gives me more time to think about home. I miss home. And I miss showers and clean clothes."

Corporal Steven Gibson, 29: "I'm afraid of not coming back home. I have two children and a third on the way in August and I love them and my wife more than anything in the world. Not coming back and seeing them again... that would be the worst."

Second Lieutenant Struan Cunningham, 24: "Now that I’m home, I think I’m a lot more calm. I’ve seen the worst and I’ve seen things I don't want to see again.You’re fighting for survival at the end of the day. I think being in those kind of situations makes you realize you're pretty lucky with your life, with what you have already so why flap about the most simple of things."

Private Fraiser Pairman, 21: "It's been alright apart from the heat. The locals are nice and we bought watermelon off them. But the first time I was contacted I kept thinking, how the f*** did I end up here? And then just wanted to get out. I keep a St. Christopher in my sleeve. If I lost it I wouldn’t go on patrol."

Private Jo Yavala, 28: "I had a funny feeling about this patrol. Heard the bang and heard on the radio ‘man down’ .. It was the first casualty I've seen. It was pretty awful. I saw the medic treating him, he had no leg. I went back to where it had exploded and then saw his boot floating in the water. Just an empty boot."

Second Lieutenant Adam Petzsch, 25: "We took over a new compound and if we ventured any more than 300 meters we got shot at. At the start of the tour you could patrol kilometers away and no one would touch you. But I think yes, in parts we are making a difference."

Private Steven Anderson, 31: "We try and go there to win their hearts and change their minds... but those people are living until 45 and dying as there’s so much poverty and not the medicines to treat them. And they put different value on life. A child got killed, it was nothing to do with the Army it was just ill. They brought the body of that child to an army camp having shot it saying that it got caught in a fire fight and demanding money. How can you change the mind of someone like that?"

Private Sean Patterson, 19: "I say a prayer before I go on patrol now but I still think, ‘Am I going to come back in one piece or with a leg missing?' I’m scared every time I leave for a patrol. I hate it. It is 84 days left until I go home."

Lance Corporal David McLean, 27: "I only had 10 days, a week or so to go. I was front man of the patrol. We crossed a wee ditch, I turned round to give the second man a hand out. We patrolled through a set of trees and as soon as we broke through someone opened up on us. I could just feel warm on my calf and we rolled into the ditch. You don’t really think about it at the time, the adrenaline was buzzing. Within half an hour I was on the chopper and the next day in Selly Oak."

Sergeant Alexander McBroom, 24: "It has been an eye opener. I haven’t been scared – but the last time I was properly scared was northern Ireland and that was along time ago. I miss my wife and kids though. I miss their characters – their comfort. I just miss them and I think it is worse for them waiting for us to come back. Oh, and I do miss walking on carpets, too."

Private Matthew Hodgson, 18: "It was really frightening. You see the IED blast and you wonder who got hit. It wasn’t a nice thing to see. It dawns on you how real it all is and then you try not to think about it. You try not to think about it at all. That patrol was pointless and now an Afghan soldier is missing his legs and for what?"

Private Becky Hitchcock, 23: "My civvie friends think I am brave but I don’t see it like that at all. It looks so bad on the news but its alright really. I was scared just before leaving the UK – I didn’t know what to expect. I haven’t been scared here but I know there will be times when I will be."

Private Michael Swan, 20: "You think about your family more than yourself. They're the ones that have to deal with it if you die. Being back is strange. You are away for so long and you think about how you lived so basically. It makes you appreciate things a lot more. Makes you appreciate life more. But find I get frustrated easily and loose my temper. My family say I'm a lot more aggressive I used to be a really placid guy, you know, really hard to upset but now it is quite easy."