Alabama: Well.. at least we're not Mississippi.
Alaska: Like Canada, but f**k you!
Arizona: Papers please.
Arkansas: Come for the meth, stay because you
traded your car for more meth.
California: "We're better than you, and we know it."
Colorado: It's the California you can afford to buy a
Connecticut: "Full of pit stops when going from
Boston to New York!"
Delaware: "Are you...are you talking me? It's been
years! Don't leave!"
Florida: The more North you go the more South it
Georgia: "Walking Dead and Archer: Come for the
Hawaii: Yes, we're technically a state!
Idaho: No, you da hoe. Also? Potatoes.
Illinois: Because Chicago isn't big enough to be its
Indiana: College Basketball!...and Corn.
Iowa: We're relevant during the primaries!
Kansas: It's like elevator music with grass.
Kentucky: Come for the bourbon, stay because you
drank way too much bourbon.
Louisiana: Please send help.
Maine: As seen in every Stephen King novel!
Maryland: "We Have Crabs!"
Massachusetts: We don't talk like that. Shut the f**k
Michigan: "Our main export is crippling depression."
Minnesota: Cheese Is Good.
Mississippi: Well... at least we're not Mis-- D'oh!
Missouri: It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Montana: "Not Even Once" Nebraska: CORN! and not much else.
Nevada: Come on vacation leave on probation.
New Hampshire: 69ing Vermont for over 200 years!
New Jersey: F**k you! You can't pump your own gas.
New Mexico: Arizona's not racist neighbor!
New York: "This city is just one small part of our state. There's a lot of other stuff up here."
North Carolina: We're the best Carolina.
North Dakota: "If we called it 'Upper South Dakota'
instead, would you want to visit?
Ohio: Where every vote counts and the seasons don't
Oklahoma: "Oklahoma is OK!"
Oregon: "Check out all our trees, man"
Pennsylvania: It's Always Sunny Here.
Rhode Island: Why are we a state?
South Carolina: Better Carolina.
South Dakota: No, really. The mountain monument is
in this one!
Tennessee: A little bit country, a little bit rock and
Texas: Everything is more Texas in Texas.
Utah: Bring your wives!
Vermont: "You drove right through it again"
Virginia: What do you mean the North won?
Washington: You know all that stuff your state
wants? Yeah, we already have that.
West Virginia: Not technically the South.
Wisconsin: It's 5 o'clock somewhere, and that
somewhere is right here.
Wyoming: Where men are men and sheep are scared.