May 03, 2012

Boy, 11, urinates on $36K worth of Apple MacBooks

He had the means and the opportunity, but we may never know the motive of an 11-year-old student who urinated on a couple dozen laptops left unattended at Upper Allen Township Elementary in Pennsylvania.

In a report now bemusing Mac fan forums across the Internet, the Upper Allen Township Police Department states that "the cart and computers were damaged beyond repair, resulting in the loss of over $36,000."

The cart in question contained approximately 30 school-owned MacBooks, according to a police department spokesperson I spoke to, who couldn't tell me why the kid did it — let alone how. Because, c'mon — 30 MacBooks, even stacked, make for a formidable amount of square footage to cover, especially for a kid.

Nevertheless, all MacBooks went down as a total loss, and John Brownlee at Cult of Mac educates us on the likely reason why.

We can all surmise that urinating upon your Mac will not be covered by your AppleCare, but here’s an interesting question: If you stand up right this second, unzip your fly and hose off all over your MacBook, can you even pay Apple to service the machines? The answer is no, because Apple looks at micturated-upon MacBooks as a biohazard.

Sure enough, not even dog urine is acceptable. I know this because the helpful woman who answered the phone at the New York City's Fifth Avenue Apple Store told me that no, if my dog urinated on my MacBook, no Apple Genius would touch it. What's more, "biohazard" is the exact word she used, right before she encouraged me to "Google" a repair outfit that would deign to do such dirty work.

Dog urination aside, there are other MacBook pathogens that may surprise you. So if you smoke, heads up. Cigarette smoke-infused Apple products count as biohazards too, as Consumerist reported in 2009.

For the crime of creating $36K in Apple biohazards, the boy in question was charged with institutional vandalism and criminal mischief. While the police spokesperson assures me that, contrary to some reports, the kid was not arrested, his case was forwarded to the Cumberland County Juvenile Probation Department.


  1. Monkeywrenching at its finest.

  2. I find it very hard to believe these computers could not be repaired. Typical school administrators, too stupid and lazy to even try to save taxpayer's money.

    I have repaired many laptops and electronic devices that were soaked by liquids by just rinsing with distilled water and letting dry for a few days.

  3. Apple is a FILTHY corporation.
    Apple DODGES paying It's share of Taxes.
    Apple Shipped jobs out of America because it would cost Apple $22 to make IN America, what it cost $6 in China ....... BUT THEY SELL FOR $1500 !
    I will "urinate" on APPLE at every opportunity.
    How many CORPORATIONS are buried in Arlington???

  4. not arrested = white middle class kid

  5. He must have been watching the rhesus monkeys at the zoo.

  6. Isn't this the school district found to have adult male employee watching a schoolgirl in her bedroom at home by turning on the Mac camera which she was unaware of? Maybe this is her little brother?

  7. They better keep an eye on this turd

  8. How many teachers and principal friends got to take home a slightly soaked Mac Book for wee,
    I mean free.